And the World Will Never be the Same

Hope is a funny thing: without it life is meaningless, dark and full of fear.
I've been a touch short of it for lack of faith or courage.
I've been afraid of mortality, afraid of failure but mostly afraid of hopelessness itself. It can eat you whole if you let it; it can suffocate you.
But suddenly, in the past few weeks, I've discovered that faith is actually being sure - being bold in what you hope for; it's living like the future is bound to be brighter. And faith cures hopelessness.
Tatiyana spoke with me at church on Sunday. She was nervous and anxious and scared. And so was I. To be honest, until the moment we stepped onto the stage I thought she'd back out. But she didn't. She spoke loud and clear and proud. People were fumbling in their pockets for money faster than she could say her lines. I've never been more proud, never been more pleased to be part of her life - she's not 12 and already claiming her bright future. And the world will never be the same because Tatiyana Tootoosis will not become a coke addict, a prostitute or another nameless face in the soup kitchen. The world can never be the same place it might have been before she stepped onto the stage and became the beginning of the person she was destined to be.
Callie, her sister, has never lived in the limelight. She is the silent cheerleader, the backstage mom. She's been raising her sister and her brother and her mother since she was 9 - and this weekend she shed some of that heavy baggage of being old before her time. And the world can't be the same world anymore - where kids must grow up instantly. There's still time for a brief fling with childhood.
I just turned nearly a quarter century yesterday. Birthdays always make me pensive and sentimental and in my musings I realized that I'm outrageously fortunate. Not only for the obvious reasons of privilege, economics, and sheer luck - but the less obvious ones like finding something to be completely passionate about, and knowing how you can contribute your own small part to saving the world.
I can never make the world a better, more considerate, more tolerable place - but I sure can help two girls who might never have had an education believe that they can change the world. And I have faith - really sure to the bottoms of my feet faith - that they can change the world. And so on account of that - the world is no longer what it once was.

At last...

Finally...a degree. After 5 years, 6 majors, 2 colleges, 4 moves, 2 vehicles, 1,892 bottles of red wine, 3 serving jobs, $28,000 in tuition - and no, for everything else there isn't MasterCard, it turns out you have to pay for that too - and at something ridiculous like 19% interest. Not to mention I couldn't even get approved with my sketchy student status until last year! MasterCard cannot take any credit in this moment. I think it's safe to say, this day, this picture, this degree is courtesy of the good woman who birthed me. Sure, I showed up, did the work, registered for the classes and am paying her back, I just know I couldn't or wouldn't have gotten here if it was up to my anti establishment dad and I. I'd probably be a plumber or something.

But I went, and I guess this picture pretty much sums up my presence in the college...Louise, looking confused, distracted, and well, perhaps a touch retarded. Whatever the case, no one could ever say I wasn't trying to have a good time. (Even if it was "simple")

As much as I'll miss spending $6000 a year (before books!) making puppets, colouring, inventing gym blasts and writing lesson plans - I think there is a lot more adventure lined up on the other side of receiving this degree. So, cheers! It's been an anticlimactic day, but pivotal all the same. At least I got to dress up...that made it all worth sitting around listening to mispronounced names for 3 hours.