The Double Lane Dillema

There are a few things God gave us to test our patience:

1. Babies.

2. Physics formulae.

3. Saran wrap.

4. Dial-up Internet.

5. Telephone banking.

6. Commercials.

7. Grocery store checkouts.

8. Tight cowboy boots.

9. Toilets at gas stations in the middle of nowhere that won't flush.

10. Snow

... and the list goes on.

On that list however is not Double Lanes.

Double lanes were made only so that a person with a lot of time on his/her hands could drive at his/her leisure ON THE RIGHT HAND SIDE of the road.

The rest of us have places to go, lives to live, jobs to do SO MOVE TO THE BLOODY RIGHT HAND SIDE OF THE ROAD! Please!

Is that really too much to ask?

There are even bloody signs to remind you in case you forget.

If this has struck a chord you might enjoy: http://thefunnybone.com/slower/slower.shtml

top ten, today

(I was starting with a different number one, but after writing this title, I have come to my senses. )
1. Alliteration - I love the leisurely way it licks and lures a line of listless musings into luscious, luxurious life.
2. Extra Spearmint Gum. And the package it comes in and the way makes my whole purse smell minty and the vivacious flavour that compliments...
3. Starbucks coffee first thing in the morning while
4. writing
5. my novel.
6. Shoes that make my feet hurt.
7. Pajamas.
8. Teaching children about Peace and Joy.
9. Learning something that makes my world do a head stand and drop all the change in its pockets onto the floor.
10. Love. The kind that curls my lips and bends my moods and fills my heart and spills on the carpet.

Pay Day

Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages - the time has come. Stay tuned to your online bank accounts because tomorrow is the day Sasktel, Blockbuster, The City of Saskatoon, SGI, and SaskPower have all been waiting for- pay day! (And why do they care about my pay day? Because they care about the gobs and gobs of money I owe them.)
I'm pleased to announce that my experiment if faith has worked out perfectly and despite having quit my job July 23rd to wait for divinity to inspire my career pursuits, I have neither run out of cash nor (fully) maxed out my credit card! And now, exactly 2 months and 2 days later - sweet, sweet money.
Tomorrow, oh tomorrow, when the saints come marching in, I can start answering my phone again!
(just kidding mom...I totally answer my phone.)

And then suddenly...

I'm not sure when fall happened.
I went for a lazy, late-afternoon coffee today and discovered Second Avenue quivering and naked. Branches stood awkward and self conscious at being so quickly disrobed. They waved nervously as we watched them. (No one knows what to do with their hands when they're feeling vulnerable.) They have not adjusted to their new winter wardrobe. And neither have I.
I feel the cold sneaking in through the holes in my sweater; pounding up through the soles of my shoes; creeping into the cracks in windows, doors, and walls that I've forgotten about in the seduction of summer sweat.
It's here...fall officially, nearly winter.

F.O.L.S.

Attention: There is a new, rare condition that Health Canada has just made known to the public. Fear Of Lice Syndrome (FOLS) affects 7 in 8 inner city children's club leaders.
Symptoms include: incessant scratching of one's head, arms, neck, face, and arms; irritability when young children touch, brush, or rub against one's hair; severe suspicion of dandruff and other hair debris; screaming and fits of rage.
If you or someone you know suffers from FOLS please be sure to wash your hair immediately with lice shampoo.
You can never be too safe when it comes to a lice scare.

So I decided to take a short cut on Sunday.
Mmhmm.
Good plan.
Apparently you can go through Dalmeny and miraculously end up in Hepburn.
You probably could do it.
I couldn't seem to.
By the time my fuel light came on, I guess, well, you could say I was lost. I didn't actually realize I was lost until the fuel light came on. At that point I was forced to admit that I am not a Sunday driver and that in fact I was having no fun whatsoever on this "educational" meander through the countryside. And what was more I was hot...it was bloody warm on Sunday. And the hysteria that is borne out of gravel roads, the possibility of dying when your tank runs dry and you're eaten by wild animals who find you walking endlessly, not to mention hot, sweaty jeans is pretty extreme.
It was all I could do not to drive straight into the ditch, rip off my pants, and jump into the swamps of blue duck water lining the road.
I made it though, eventually.
I did of course run out of gas, but that wasn't until I was nearly back to Saskatoon. I was safely out of the path of any wild animals (assuming of course that creepy truckers do not fall under that category).
My story has a point. Sorry for taking so long to get here, my mom would be disappointed in this drawn out tale.
Don't take short cuts.
Just don't.
Go the long way. And make sure you don't drive to Hepburn with your fuel light on. You can make it, but sometimes the thought that you might not makes you rip your pants off in frustration...and how on earth will they explain that at your funeral?

Half-full

My grade 8's have just discovered they can change the world.
I got to watch that beautiful, heavy thought rise up slowly at the horizon of our classroom and gently flood the room with a dawning light that brightened their unsuspecting faces. One minute they were children disengaged from the 'they' in those delightfully detached phrases like 'they should help the poor'. Instead they became them; and now they want to help the poor. My little friends are presently working on proposals for fundraising events to purchase a generator for a school in Rwanda. They're almost as excited as I am. We have class meetings that get so loud for the enthusiasm we share that I worry other teachers will start to suspect I'm not teaching the curriculum properly. Every minute someone is coming up with an idea even better than the one before and I cannot believe it's coming out of their mouths.
The most beutiful part is that there is no one to tell them it can't be done; no one to squash their idealism; no one to destroy the perfect joy that come from philanthropy. And when they grow up next week and graduate and get jobs and houses and kids they'll never be able to deny again in their lives that the power of one is enough to shift the whole big, lazy universe.
Now honestly, as if you wouldn't want to be a teacher. I get to watch as our future grabs hold of this rotten, selfish world and claims it for justice! (And I didn't even do anything! I just hung out and listened!)

Too good

Wow - it feels like a hundred years ago that I last sat down with a tiny morsel of life to share with an unknown cyber audience. (which might just be me for all I know).
Life could not be better.
It couldn't.
I kept imagining it with more money, or more flashing lights, or more chocolate, or shoes, or time, or anything - and it never got better. It's the best it can be.
As it turns out God did call me from the dock of my grandma's cabin. Actually, he waited until I was good and ready to come home and then plunked this precious nugget of good fortune into my lap. I knew it! I knew he had something amazing lined up. (I even afforded mortgage payments in the meantime, if that isn't divine intervention!)
I wake up with a huge grin every morning and wander downtown for a Starbucks. Then once I've woken up, worked on my novel and even read the paper, I meander to the school where I get to teach my tiny, well behaved classes about social injustice, apostrophes and typing home row. I just run around all day playing grown up. Then, when I'm ready for bed (at 9:30) - I fall asleep (with a huge grin on my face) and wake up the next day to do it again.
I am a novelist, kids club leader, and teacher. How could you want more from a life?
It's perfect.
I feel nothing but gratitude - for the leaves turning and the wind howling and the rain falling and the little health assignments I get to go mark. Mark! With a red pen!
To a future doubter - remember this joy. This is the overwhelming ecstasy that comes with answered prayer. Wow.