A clobbering to beat all clobberings

It would seem that life is very much transpiring outside of my sphere of influence. I did not realize that it worked that way. It explains some of my fatigue and anxiety when placed in its chaotic midst. I am forced to admit that despite my clearest unspoken request, people fail to read my mind and act the way I hope they would. No matter the care and deliberation I put into lessons or outings or plans, kids rarely take the time to notice or appreciate. Relationships break down, fall apart and need work. Bills pop up out of even the thinnest air. And then, just when it seems like nothing else could derail life further, someone will appear out of the mystic to say something so elementary and yet entirely profound that I find myself void of any and all knowledge. I am suddenly stripped down to nothing and am right back at the beginning, reconsidering everything from the ground up. Everything. Right down to the very root of the thing.
And YET(... are you ready? This is the part where I stand up as I'm talking to you, not because I feel the enthusiasm but I believe if I build it, it will come.) And YET this could be the first time God is actually doing something!
First of all, I suddenly have $5050 in my Africa fund. (thanks mom!)
Secondly, I discovered today that the people in Africa are praying for us at Lakeview. They are praying for us? Nuts!
Third, I think that the Holy Spirit totally rocked some little kids heart tonight at kids club. Like seriously, after 5 years (!?!?) 5 years of showing up on Mondays for what usually seems like no reason, I think some kid got it. The real deal.
Fourth, I am beginning to feel the confidence to confront issues in my life that are holding me back from freedom. I know, vague and self important sounding. But seriously, I have issues! I had no idea it was this extensive.

So, thanks Jackie! I'm totally giving up control. I'll grow some and suck it up. I might even be busking in the foyer this weekend. I'll be the bum people are paying to stop playing.
And thanks Jacqueline for kicking my ass on Saturday.
And thanks Angie and Diane for insisting we pray.
And thanks Kristie for reminding me what beautiful looks like.
And thanks mom for giving me $5000!
And thanks Kristal for praying for us.

Right now my grandma is hugging me tightly in the form of my cozy red housecoat. I'm lying in bed with sleep only an eyelid away, knowing that something big is coming.

I will consider it pure joy. Even though it looks like work and feels like a pummeling.